So this morning, I went to Starbucks. You know Starbucks. You've heard of Starbucks? Yup. There's one on the corner next to the Starbucks across from the Starbucks.
Go in there for coffee—should be simple. You go in, you order; they say, "What's your name?" You tell them your name. A few minutes later, they hand you a coffee that says "Helen." You know.
Should be easy—it's not. First, there's a long line. Why is there a line? I mean, there are more Starbucks in the world than there are people. We should all—we should have our individual Starbucks by now.
I think one reason is—the line is so long because there are people don't know what to order. That's one of the things. These people, they go every single day, and then they just stare up at the menu. Like seeing it for the first time. It's the same menu. Nothing's changed. They have coffee, they have tea, and they have Michael Buble CDs. Choose something!
我想一個原因是－－隊伍那麼長，因為有人不知道要點什麼。那是其中一件事。這些人，他們每天都去星巴克，然後他們就只是傻傻看著飲料目錄。就像第一次看到它一樣。那是同樣的飲料目錄。什麼都沒變。星巴克有咖啡、有茶，然後他們還有 Michael Buble 的 CD。選一樣就好啦!
And then there are the people who know what they want, but they're...they—it's so complicated. That's the problem with it. There's a woman in front of me, she ordered a...a mocha no-foam extra-whip sugar-free double-shot non-fat vanilla iced Ariana Grande. And...
Then after you place your order, you walk over to the barista station, which is a fancy name for "coffee-pourer person," and— This is a place where people stand as close to the counter as they possibly can, even though there are 12 people waiting for their order that were before them.
And then, after you get your coffee, you have a seat, which—you can't find a seat. It's impossible, because I call them "Starbucks Squatters." That's what they—they order one coffee, and then they sit there...eight to 12 hours. And they bring so much stuff with them. It looks like they're moving in. They have a newspaper. They have a book, a charger, a laptop, extension cords, a cot...pictures of their family, a personal assistant, a garden hose—I don't know why.
No one should spend that much time at a Starbucks, which brings me to the dress code. And I've mentioned this before, but spandex bike shorts are not acceptable. A. You're sweaty. B. No one wants to see you dig in there for exact change. There is nothing worse than a warm dollar.
沒有人應該花那麼多時間在星巴克，那讓我想到服儀規定。我之前提過這，不過彈性單車短褲是不可接受的。A. 你臭汗淋漓。B. 沒人想看你在單車短褲裡挖零錢。沒有什麼比殘有體溫的錢更糟了。
Uh-oh. Did you wanna see more videos? Hold on.
註一：Ariana Grande 是美國流行小天后，因為名字聽起來太像星巴克飲品，所以就有人嘗試點了一杯，而店員也真的特製出 Ariana Grande 口味的星冰樂。Grande 剛好是杯子尺寸的「大杯」，故此處譯作「小天后大杯星冰樂」增添趣味。