So this morning, I went to Starbucks. You know Starbucks. You've heard of Starbucks? Yup. There's one on the corner next to the Starbucks across from the Starbucks.
今天早上我去了星巴克。你知道星巴克。聽過星巴克吧？沒錯。轉角那有一家在星巴克對面那家星巴克旁邊的星巴克。
Go in there for coffee—should be simple. You go in, you order; they say, "What's your name?" You tell them your name. A few minutes later, they hand you a coffee that says "Helen." You know.
進去那點咖啡－－應該沒什麼困難。你進去、點餐；店員說：「你的名字是？」你告訴他們你的名字。幾分鐘後，他們遞給你一杯寫著「Helen」的咖啡。你懂的。
Should be easy—it's not. First, there's a long line. Why is there a line? I mean, there are more Starbucks in the world than there are people. We should all—we should have our individual Starbucks by now.
應該要很簡單－－並不簡單。首先，有一條長長的排隊隊伍。怎麼要排隊哩？我是說，世界上的星巴克都比人多了。我們應該都－－我們現在應該都有個人專屬星巴克吧。
I think one reason is—the line is so long because there are people don't know what to order. That's one of the things. These people, they go every single day, and then they just stare up at the menu. Like seeing it for the first time. It's the same menu. Nothing's changed. They have coffee, they have tea, and they have Michael Buble CDs. Choose something!
我想一個原因是－－隊伍那麼長，因為有人不知道要點什麼。那是其中一件事。這些人，他們每天都去星巴克，然後他們就只是傻傻看著飲料目錄。就像第一次看到它一樣。那是同樣的飲料目錄。什麼都沒變。星巴克有咖啡、有茶，然後他們還有 Michael Buble 的 CD。選一樣就好啦!
And then there are the people who know what they want, but they're...they—it's so complicated. That's the problem with it. There's a woman in front of me, she ordered a...a mocha no-foam extra-whip sugar-free double-shot non-fat vanilla iced Ariana Grande. And...
然後有知道自己要什麼的人，不過他們...他們－－有夠複雜的。那就是問題所在。我前面有一個女人，她點一杯...一杯摩卡無奶泡多鮮奶油無糖雙份濃縮咖啡無脂香草小天后大杯星冰樂(註一)。然後...
Then after you place your order, you walk over to the barista station, which is a fancy name for "coffee-pourer person," and— This is a place where people stand as close to the counter as they possibly can, even though there are 12 people waiting for their order that were before them.
接著你點完咖啡後，你走去咖啡調理師櫃台，那是「倒咖啡的人」比較厲害的名字，然後－－ 這是一個大家都盡可能要站得離櫃檯很近的地方，就算前面有十二個人在等他們的咖啡了。
And then, after you get your coffee, you have a seat, which—you can't find a seat. It's impossible, because I call them "Starbucks Squatters." That's what they—they order one coffee, and then they sit there...eight to 12 hours. And they bring so much stuff with them. It looks like they're moving in. They have a newspaper. They have a book, a charger, a laptop, extension cords, a cot...pictures of their family, a personal assistant, a garden hose—I don't know why.
然後，你拿到咖啡後，你有座位，那－－你找不到半個位子。不可能有位子，因為我叫他們「星巴克非法居民」。那就是他們－－他們點一杯咖啡，接著他們就坐在那...八到十二個小時。他們帶了一堆東西。看起來就像他們要搬進去住一樣。他們有一份報紙。他們有一本書、充電器、筆電、延長線、一張折疊床...家人的照片、個人助理、花園水管－－不知道幹嘛帶。
No one should spend that much time at a Starbucks, which brings me to the dress code. And I've mentioned this before, but spandex bike shorts are not acceptable. A. You're sweaty. B. No one wants to see you dig in there for exact change. There is nothing worse than a warm dollar.
沒有人應該花那麼多時間在星巴克，那讓我想到服儀規定。我之前提過這，不過彈性單車短褲是不可接受的。A. 你臭汗淋漓。B. 沒人想看你在單車短褲裡挖零錢。沒有什麼比殘有體溫的錢更糟了。
Uh-oh. Did you wanna see more videos? Hold on.
喔喔。想看更多影片嗎？等等。
註一：Ariana Grande 是美國流行小天后，因為名字聽起來太像星巴克飲品，所以就有人嘗試點了一杯，而店員也真的特製出 Ariana Grande 口味的星冰樂。Grande 剛好是杯子尺寸的「大杯」，故此處譯作「小天后大杯星冰樂」增添趣味。
