People come up to me all the time and ask me the same question over and over again: Will you marry me? And another question they ask is "Why don't you have kids?" And, I love kids. I really do. I love babies; I love kids. They're cute. They're funny; they're sweet. But sometimes I'll see a picture; it reminds me of why I don't have kids, and it gave me an idea for a new segment that I'm calling "Why I Don't Have Kids."
大家很常來找我,一直問我一樣的問題:妳願意跟我結婚嗎?然後另一個他們很愛問的問題是「為什麼妳不生小孩啊?」我很愛小孩。真的很喜歡。我喜歡小嬰兒;喜歡小孩。他們超可愛的。小孩很好笑又很貼心。但有時候我看到某些照片,就會讓我想起來為什麼我不想生小孩,這也讓我想到一個新的節目橋段,叫做「為什麼我不生小孩」。
All right, this first one is from an Instagram account called Kids Are the Worst.
好,第一張是「小孩超討厭」這個 Instagram 帳號 po 的照片。
I love my dad.
我愛把拔。
That's a screwdriver in her hand, and she just carved "I love my dad" right into his car. It's a sweet sentiment. It really is. You should see what she did—did you see what she did for Mother's Day?
她手上拿的是螺絲起子,她直接在她爸的車上刻了「我愛把拔」。這其實是一種很貼心的情感啦。真的。你們應該看看她做了什麼--你們有看到她在母親節做了什麼事情嗎?
I love my mom.
我愛馬麻。
Yeah.
沒錯。
This next one was sent in by Kenny Roberts from La Crescenta, California.
下一張是住在加州拉克雷森塔的 Kenny Roberts 寄來的。
Oh!
喔!
But she's cute. She's part—I think she's half-Italian, half-terrier. By the way, both of those kids are up for immediate adoption.
但她很可愛耶。她一半是--我覺得她是義大利跟梗犬混血吧。喔對了,這兩個小孩現在都可以領養喔。
This is from an Instagram account called Moms Who Need Wine. Well, first of all, don't all moms need wine? I don't know. This is what they posted.
接下來的照片是 Instagram 帳號「需要喝酒的媽媽」發的。不過,首先,不是每個媽媽都很需要喝酒嗎?我不知道。這張就是他們 po 的照片。
Now, it truly sucks to be a little brother. Nothing's gonna come out of there no matter how much they do that.
當弟弟真的好衰。你再怎麼吸也不會跑出東西啦。
This last one was sent in from Nikos Carly from Studio City, California.
最後一張是加州影視城的 Nikos Carly 寄來的。
You know? Who leaves kids with a bucket of paint? "Mommy's gonna run out to the store now, so, here's some paint." Aw, this is why I love that you have kids and I don't.
就是,誰會把小孩留在家,旁邊還放一桶油漆啊?「媽咪要去商店買東西,這裡有油漆給你玩喔。」噢,你們有小孩,我沒有,這實在太愉快了。
If you have any pictures you think that I should see, please send them to me.
如果你們有任何覺得我一定要看到的照片,請寄給我。