All right. Congrats again to the newlyweds, and I hope everybody has a full drink because it is time for every wedding speech ever!
好的。再次恭喜這對新人，也希望大家喝得盡興，因為婚禮致詞的時間到了!
Hi, everyone. I hope you're all having as much fun as I am tonight. For those of you who do not know me, I am the maid of honor.
嗨，大家。希望你們今晚和我一樣開心。如果不知道我是誰的話，我是伴娘。
I am the groom's brother. He felt obligated to make me the best man even though we are not close at all.
我是新郎的老弟。雖然我們一點都不親，但他覺得他有義務讓我當伴郎就是。
I'm the bride's father. This is the first time I'm seeing my ex-wife since the divorce, so I'm desperately trying to look good.
我是新娘的爸爸。這是我離婚之後第一次見到前妻，所以我努力讓自己看起來體面些。
I am the groom's mother, and I just wanna say...
我是新郎的母親，然後我想說...
This day is all about Lauren and Casey, except for the next five minutes which will be about me living out my dream of being a stand-up comedian.
今天是屬於 Lauren 和 Casey 的日子，但接下來的五分鐘除外，因為我要實現當單人喜劇演員的夢想。
I wasn't exactly sure how to convey how much you two mean to me, so I wrote this poem.
我不知該如何表達你們兩個對我的意義有多深，所以我寫了這首詩。
I just spent four days with my brother and his actual friends. It was bad and not fun. Everyone would've preferred if I wasn't there.
我剛跟我哥和他真正的朋友混了四天。簡直糟透了，一點都不好玩。所有人都希望我別在那裡比較好。
Casey and Lauren, your love is true. Casey and Lauren, I wish only the best for you.
Casey 和 Lauren，你們的愛是真愛。Casey 和 Lauren，我祝你們幸福美滿。
The dictionary defines soul mate as "a person who's perfectly suited to another in temperament." And that's just like Casey and Lauren.
字典解釋靈魂伴侶的意思是：「一個人在性格上與另一人完全合拍。」而這就是 Casey 和 Lauren 之間的關係。
I love my baby.
我愛我的寶貝。
Casey and Lauren, you'll be together forever. Casey and Lauren, seeing your love makes me feel light like a feather. And now, I will continue for 10 more minutes.
Casey 和 Lauren，你們將會相伴一生。Casey 和 Lauren，見證你們的愛讓我開心到覺得輕飄飄的。現在，我要再繼續講十分鐘。
I can't wait to take my brother down. I remember this specific sh**ty thing he did to me when we were little that I should be over by now.
我等不及要吉死我哥了。我永遠記得他對我幹的好事，雖然這是在我們還小的時候，而我現在也早該釋懷就是。
You're really more like a sister to me than a best friend. Seriously, what am I going to do now that you're married? I am hanging on by a f**king thread right now.
對我來說妳不僅是最好的閨蜜，甚至更像親姊妹。說真的，妳結婚後我要怎麼辦？老娘我現在處境艱難。
I've been so happy.
我、好、高、興。
Growing up, Lauren loved the play Annie. Maybe that's why she's always looked at me as her Daddy Warbucks. That's right; I'm gonna keep coming up with unfunny ways to remind everybody that I paid for this wedding.
從小到大，Lauren 都很喜歡看《孤女安妮》。也許這就是為什麼她總是把我當富翁老爹看待的原因。沒錯，我要繼續講這些難笑的話來提醒大家這婚禮錢是我出的。
Do you remember what happened at Horseshoe Lake? And who can forget that one time on Bell Tower Hill? I'll keep alienating everyone else by vaguely alluding to things that only the two of us experienced.
還記得我們在馬蹄湖發生的事嗎？還有那次在鐘樓山上難忘的回憶？我要繼續用這些模糊不清的詞暗示我們倆才懂的事來排擠在場的其他人。
I think we can eat right now.
我覺得我們可以開動了。
Now, I'm gonna raise some red flags. Here's a story about your husband's first girlfriend, who he treated like absolute sh**.
現在我要來引戰了。我講個妳老公第一任女友的故事，他對待那女人簡直糟透了。
I'm now going to embarrass you in front of your family by hinting at some wild night we had in college at a sex party where we were both trashed and high out of our f**king minds.
我現在要在妳家人面前糗妳一番，暗示大家我們在讀大學時晚上參加轟趴，結果喝得爛醉又ㄎㄧㄤ到不行。
Oh, oh, here's another story about your husband hating women.
喔喔，我還有另一個關於妳老公討厭女人的故事。
Here's a joke about how you'll probably get divorced, but I'm not paying for the next wedding.
我來講個妳可能會離婚的玩笑話，但我不會再付下次婚禮的錢了。
I am so excited that I get to be a grandma.
一想到我要當奶奶我就好興奮。
Thank you so much for letting me be a part of your love. Wow, I'm just realizing how that was the weirdest way to end this speech.
真的很謝謝妳，讓我成為妳愛的一部分。哇，我現在才發現用這種方式結束致詞有夠怪的。
Now, you take care of my little girl. Make sure she stays out of trouble. You're the new man in her life and other statements that sounds nice but are actually super misogynistic.
你要好好照顧我女兒。確保她安全無虞。你是她人生中新的男人，其他說法聽起來也挺不錯，但就是太貶低女人了點。
Yeah.
沒錯。
- 「有義務」- Feel Obligated To
He felt obligated to make me the best man even though we are not close at all.
雖然我們一點都不親，但他覺得他有義務讓我當伴郎就是。 - 「暗示」- Allude To
I'll keep alienating everyone else by vaguely alluding to things that only the two of us experienced.
我要繼續用這些模糊不清的詞暗示我們倆才懂的事來排擠在場的其他人。 - 「警示、引戰」- Raise Red Flags
Now, I'm gonna raise some red flags.
現在我要來引戰了。 - 「遠離、避免」- Stay Out Of
Make sure she stays out of trouble.
確保她遠離麻煩、安全無虞。
