What would have happened if your childhood wish came true?
如果你的兒時願望實現會發生什麼事呢？
If my childhood wish came true, I would've had the power of invisibility, and obviously, I would've used it to sneak into the girls' locker room, which sounds, you know, like the classic, awesome teenage boy fantasy.
如果我的兒時願望實現，我會有隱形的超能力，很顯然，我會用它溜進女生的更衣室，聽起來，你知道，就像典型、超讚的年輕男孩的幻想。
But the more I thought about it, I kinda realized it would actually be really odd, because if I had the power of invisibility, that means invisibility exists, and there's probably a hundred other people who have that power. So I'd be in that locker room kind of wide-eyed and a big smile on my face, but I would have to come to terms with the fact there are probably a dozen other perverts who are also invisible and observing what's going on. I would kinda hear something like, "Hey, what's up, dude?" like, "Hey, welcome to the show, brother," seeing a camera float up next to me, a little video camera float up, like, if you could...if you agree with me...
但我越思索這件事，我就發現這其實會非常奇怪，因為如果我有隱形的超能力，那就代表隱形存在，而搞不好有其他一百個人也有那種超能力。所以我會在那間更衣室裡張大眼睛然後臉上掛著大大的微笑，但我得接受或許還有一打其他變態這事實，他們也隱形在觀察發生什麼事。我會聽到像是：「嘿，你好嗎，老兄？」或像「嘿，歡迎來看表演，老兄」這樣的話，看到一台相機在我旁邊飄起，一台小型攝影機浮起，如果你能...如果你同意我...
And then, the locker room experience, even that's kinda cool and bodacious, the rest of my life, I'm gonna be wondering when I'm in the bathroom, or when I'm changing, or when I'm doing something embarrassing, is there a little pack of invisible perverts in the corner? I just would assume for the rest of my life that I was being followed by a pack of invisible perverts.
然後，更衣室的經驗，即使那有點酷也滿大膽的，但在我接下來的人生中，我都會一直想，當我在廁所，或當我在換衣服，或當我在做尷尬的事情時，是不是有一群隱形的變態在角落？我後半輩子都會認為自己被一群隱形的變態跟蹤。
My childhood wish... I used to imagine that I would time travel back to the court of Queen Elizabeth I, like, just appear in the middle of the court, which is so dumb, I mean, I would've definitely been hanged as a witch. There is absolutely no way that anybody appearing in the middle of a room in Elizabethan England wouldn't have been instantly killed.
我的兒時願望... 我以前會想像自己穿越時光回到伊莉莎白一世統治的時代，像是，就出現在宮廷中間，這真是太笨了，我是說，我一定會被當作女巫吊死。不可能有任何人出現在英國伊莉莎白時代的宮廷中然後沒被馬上殺死。
But, I mean it...looking back, I don't think I would have done well in the court of Elizabeth I. I don't know the Elizabethan dances, I don't speak Latin, I don't go to church. Rhyming couplets are not my strong suit. If I was lucky, I would've been thrown in the Tower of London. If I was unlucky, I probably would've ended up a scullery maid. What a dream that I've just destroyed for myself!
但，我的意思是...回想起來，我不認為我在伊莉莎白一世的時代能好好表現。我不會跳伊莉莎白時代的舞、我不會講拉丁文、我也不上教堂。押韻對句不是我的強項。幸運的話，我會被丟到倫敦塔裡。倒楣的話，我可能會淪落成一個女幫廚。好一個我自己毀滅的夢想啊!
What if my childhood wish came true? It would be for Christmas to happen every single day. The seasons would still progress normally, but it would just be a steady stream of action figures and N64 games for yours truly. Now, my family would be cool with the, you know, first couple days of this, but then around Day 200, things would really start to break down.
如果我的兒時願望實現會怎樣？那會變成天天都是聖誕節。四季依舊交替，不過在下我會不斷收到公仔和任天堂 64 的遊戲。我們家在前幾天可以接受這樣，但接著到大約第兩百天，事情會開始崩潰。
My parents would have to sell the house just to afford all these gifts. My aunt would have to turn to a life of crime to afford knitting supplies so she could keep making me all those f*****g hats. The economy would totally break down because, keep in mind, nobody is working on Christmas, except for the department stores, which would be booming. They'd be having these Black Friday blowout sales every single day of the year. And society itself would kind of transform into this sick toy economy, where there'd be these tribal warlords of Tribe Hasbro and Tribe Lego going to war with each other. And the world would devolve into chaos, but there'd be one very happy little boy with a pile of gifts...this guy.
我爸媽為了要付得起這些禮物不得不把房子賣掉。我阿姨為了負擔針織用品會變罪犯，這樣她才能繼續替我做那些該死的帽子。經濟會完全崩潰，因為，記住，沒人在聖誕節工作，除了百貨公司，它們會生意興隆。百貨公司每天都會舉辦黑色星期五跳樓大拍賣。而社會本身會轉型成這種病態的玩具經濟，孩之寶部落和樂高部落這些部落軍閥會互相打仗。世界會陷入混亂，但會有一個擁有一堆禮物而非常開心的小男孩...就是我啦。
Share your childhood wish in the comments below!
在下面的評論分享你的兒時願望吧!
- 「逐漸接受、設法忍受」- Come To Terms With
...but I would have to come to terms with the fact there are probably a dozen other perverts who are also invisible and observing what's going on.
...但我得接受或許還有一打其他變態這事實，他們也隱形在觀察發生什麼事。 - 「最終成為」- End Up
If I was unlucky, I probably would've ended up a scullery maid.
倒楣的話，我可能會淪落成一個女幫廚。 - 「記住」- Keep In Mind
The economy would totally break down because, keep in mind, nobody is working on Christmas, except for the department stores...
經濟會完全崩潰，因為，記住，沒人在聖誕節工作，除了百貨公司...
