Ah...beautiful day. I'd call it perfect. But it's missing something, don't you think? Ah! There it is. This morning just wasn't complete until your first cup of coffee, right? Yeah, there's nothing quite like a steaming cup full of an addictive drug in the morning. I'm Roger. And I'd love to tell you about Horton brand warm, addictive brown stuff.
啊...美好的一天。我會說是完美的一天。但少了某些東西，你不覺得嗎？啊!來了。這早晨不到你喝下第一杯咖啡就不算完整，對吧？是呀，沒有什麼比得上早晨來一整杯熱呼呼讓人上癮的毒品。我是 Roger。而我很樂意和你談談霍頓牌那溫暖、使人上癮的咖啡色物體。
Please enjoy this footage of velvety smooth beans, followed by a well-shot close-up of a hot brown liquid that's brewed by mixing heated water with the roasted, smashed-up seeds of a flowering shrub native to Southern Africa and Tropical Asia. I only showed you that to remind you, you desperately need your fix. How could you forget? You see, these small brown seeds are a naturally occurring source of the world's most widely consumed central nervous system stimulant—caffeine. While most brain-altering substances are outlawed or at least tightly controlled by the government, this entirely legal psychoactive drug is enjoyed by basically every person you know, on a daily basis, completely unrestricted, and with zero cultural stigma. In fact, it's openly celebrated by your friends, family, and morning television personalities!
請享受這天鵝絨般光滑的豆子的畫面，緊接著是一個滾燙棕色液體的超美特寫，由熱水混合烘烤過且搗碎的開花灌木種子沖煮而成，原產於南部非洲和熱帶亞洲。我給你看那不過是要提醒你，你亟需滿足你的癮頭。你怎能忘記？你瞧，這些咖啡色小種子是世界上最廣泛被攝取的中樞神經系統興奮劑的天然來源－－也就是咖啡因。儘管大部分會改變精神狀態的物質都被法律禁止或至少受到政府嚴密管控，這一個完全合法的精神藥物卻基本上被每個你認識的人享用著，每一天、完全不受限，且完全沒有文化汙名。事實上，它被你的朋友、家人和早晨電視名人們公開地讚揚著!
Smells so good. I can't wait to add flavors and sweetener to distract from the natural flavor of this thing I claim to love and not be addicted to.
聞起來真香!我等不及要添加香料跟甜味劑，這樣就喝不到這個我宣稱熱愛又沒上癮的飲品的天然風味。
I do like it! It's just that...two sugars and that hazelnut creamer make it—I'm not addicted to...
我真的喜歡它!只是...兩顆糖和那榛果奶精讓它－－我沒有上癮...
Junkies like him keep me, a harvester of brown seeds, in business. But not just me—also me, a distributor of overpriced addictive sludge.
像他一樣的癮君子讓身為咖啡色種子採收者的我有生意上門。但不只是我－－還有我，一個提供訂價過高、使人成癮的爛泥的人。
It also comes in pumpkin flavored, if you'd prefer that to the wet-cigar, boiled-asphalt flavor that occurs naturally.
這還有南瓜口味喔，如果比起像濕雪茄和煮沸瀝青的原味，你更喜歡南瓜口味的話。
I do!
我喜歡!
Great! That'll be 11 dollars and...here's a cup with your name just butchered on it to prove that you will let literally anyone treat you literally however they want as long as they're handing you a cup of the chemical reward of an unregulated psychoactive drug. Enjoy your drug disguised as a universally celebrated touchstone of human culture, Randor. Randor? That's not even a name! I didn't even try.
好極了!那總共是十一美元，還有...這裡是一個被胡亂寫上你的名字的杯子，證明你真的會讓任何人隨意對待你，只要他們遞給你一杯不受管制的精神藥物所帶來的化學回饋。享受你那被偽裝成全世界頌揚的人類文化標竿的毒藥吧，Randor。Randor？那甚至不是一個名字!我連試著拼出來都沒有。
Now, I understand that you wouldn't want to associate that chemical reward with the knowledge that people with far less money than you are severely underpaid to grow and harvest these bitter, drug-laden seeds. So I'd like to show you some more footage, this time of a hardworking, happy-looking person in Ethiopia, or Guatemala, somewhere hot—it doesn't really matter. I'm also going to say some words that, combined with these images, should make you feel better.
現在，我了解你不會想要把咖啡帶來的化學回饋和這種事連結在一起，賺的錢比你少許多的人正被低價剝削來種植和採收這些又苦又滿是毒品的種子。所以我想要再給你看看更多畫面，這次是一位勤奮、滿臉喜悅的人，他在衣索比亞，或瓜地馬拉，某個很熱的地方－－其實不太重要。我也要來說一些詞，結合這些影像，那應該會讓你覺得好受點。
Organic.
有機。
Cooperative.
協同合作。
Sustainable.
永續發展。
Ethical...um...ethics.
合乎道德的...呃...道德。
I could bore you with the details and complexities of the international commodities market, or I could just say, "Hey, look! This burlap bag of beans has 'Fair Trade' stamped on it."
我可以用國際商品市場的細節和繁瑣事物讓你感到厭煩，或者我可以就說：「嘿，你看!這袋粗麻布袋的豆子上面印有『公平貿易』耶。」
That's good...right?
那很好呀...是吧？
Sure! Or at any rate, it lets you plausibly deny that your happiness fix relies on somebody else's misery. Now the only thing that'll keep you up at night is the central nervous system stimulant you consume on a daily basis via this mix of heated water and roasted, smashed-up seeds.
當然!或至少，它讓你貌似合理地否認你的快樂泉源是建立在別人的痛苦之上。現在唯一會讓你夜晚失眠的東西，只有你每天攝取的中樞神經系統興奮劑，透過這杯熱水與烘烤過且搗碎的種子的混和物。
Why are you doing this? Why are you telling us this?!
你為什麼要這麼做？你為什麼要告訴我們這個？!
You're really cranky when you haven't had your coffee, you know that? There you go...a nice warm cup of your personality. Drink it up!
你還沒喝咖啡時真的很暴躁不安耶，你知道嗎？就是這樣...極棒又溫暖的一杯人品。乾杯吧!
I'm Roger, by the way.
順道一提，我是 Roger。
