You should just pick something.
你隨便選個什麼來看吧。
I can't decide. There's so many options. It's like, who even watches all this stuff?
太難抉擇了。選擇太多了。到底誰會把這些東西全部看完啊？
How about Flip My Aquarium? Oh, god, never mind.
要看《轉售我的水族館》嗎？喔，天哪，算了算了。
Yeah, that sounds terrible.
對啊，聽起來很難看。
How about this—Britain's Smallest Pies? That sounds...fine?
那這部呢－－《全英國最小的派》？聽起來...還可以？
Sure. Try it out.
好啊。點開看看。
We've got a live one, people!
緊急狀況，各位!
What is it this time, boss?
這次是什麼，老闆？
Someone clicked on the tiny f***ing pie show.
有人點了那個該死的最小的派。
Why would someone click on that?
到底為什麼有人會點開這個啊？
I don't know why, but they did. And it's not real, so we need to make up something quick. Go on!
我不知道為什麼，但他們就是點了。那是假的，所以我們要快點做出東西。快、快!
I'm sorry. What are we doing?
不好意思。我們現在是在幹嘛？
Your first day?
第一天上班？
Buckle up, kid.
皮繃緊了，孩子。
The majority of shows and movies on Netflix are fake, just catchy titles with nice-looking graphic boxes, so it looks like we have all the shows in the world.
Netflix 多數的節目跟電影都是假的，只有吸睛的標題配上漂亮的圖片，所以看起來全世界的節目都在 Netflix 上了。
Yeah, they're padding for real shows like Stranger Things and Frasier. So whenever somebody clicks on one of these fake bullshit titles like Britain's Smallest Pies, or Battery Hoarders, or Santa Clarita Diet, we have to slap something together real quick.
對，它們只是《怪奇物語》、《歡樂一家親》這種真實節目的陪襯而已。所以只要有人點開這些假的爛標題，像是《全英國最小的派》、《電池收藏家》或是《小鎮滋味》，我們就得快速隨便拼湊出一些東西。
All right. Come on, people! We can't buffer forever. Let's go!
好了。大家快點!我們不能讓他們一直看「影片緩衝中」。來吧!
Lena.
Lena。
What?
蛤？
Get the pie!
去拿派!
Pie?
派？
Get the pie!
去拿派!
Where...where—
哪裡...哪裡－－
From the pie closet!
在裝派的櫃子裡!
What?
蛤？
Smallest pie you can find!
找出最小的派!
Okay! I'll find it!
好!我會找到!
Boss, we got a pie.
老闆，找到派了。
Great!
很好!
Now put it down.
放在這裡。
We're ready for your voiceover.
我們已經準備好要錄旁白配音了。
Perfect.
完美。
I'm sorry. Are you British?
不好意思。妳是英國人嗎？
Huh?
蛤？
Are you a pie?
妳是派嗎？
Then get out of the shot!
那就滾出畫面!
Sorry.
抱歉。
Get out of the shot!
滾出畫面!
All right, everybody quiet down. Everybody quiet down!
好，大家靜下來。大家安靜!
We're going live in three, two, one.
我們要開始直播了，三、二、一。
Pies come in all shapes and sizes. But in this show, they're all small. Join us as we take a look at some of Britain's smallest pies.
派有各式各樣的形狀與大小。但在本節目中，我們只會介紹迷你的派。和我們一起看看這些英國最小的派。
This is it? This is boring as sh*t.
就這樣？無聊死了。
Yeah, I thought it was going to be, like, a competition or something?
對啊，我還以為會有像是比賽之類的？
No competition here. It's just this.
沒有比賽。就只有這樣。
Oh, thank God. They turned it off.
喔，謝天謝地。他們關掉了。
Great work, everyone. Great work!
做得好，各位。做得好!
Uh, boss... You're gonna want to see this.
呃，老闆...你可能要看一下這個。
Now what?
現在又怎麼了？
The same couple. Now they're hovering over a title called Big Pointy Houses. Looks like they're deciding between that and The Shrimp Whisperer.
同一對情侶。他們現在游標停在一個叫做《又大又尖的房子》的標題上面。看起來他們在考慮要看這部還是《蝦子溝通師》。
...the f**k is wrong with these people? Why can't they watch Stranger Things or Frasier like normal people? Okay. We have to prepare for both contingencies. Martinez, find me stock footage of the biggest, pointiest houses you can. Go! Jackson, call that guy you know, the one with the shrimp boat. Go, go, go, go!
...這些人到底有什麼毛病啊？為什麼他們不跟正常人一樣看《怪奇物語》或是《歡樂一家親》啊？好。兩種情況都要準備。Martinez，去素材庫找出最大最尖的房子。快去!Jackson，打電話給那個你認識的人，有蝦子船的那個。快、快、快、快!
What if we don't have enough time for that?
如果我們時間不夠怎麼辦？
We'll just play something else, pretend it's a glitch. A real show, I don't know, like Frasier.
我們就播別的影片，假裝伺服器出問題。就播真的節目，像是《歡樂一家親》。
Crisis averted, sir. They picked Black Mirror.
危機解除，老闆。他們選了《黑鏡》。
Oh, thank God. That was close.
喔，謝天謝地。好險。
Oh, no!
喔，不!
What?
怎麼了？
Some guy in Minnesota just pressed play on Santa Clarita Diet!
一個在明尼蘇達州的人剛剛按下《小鎮滋味》的播放鍵!
Okay. Get me Drew Barrymore!
好。把 Drew Barrymore 帶過來!
Why is she so mad?
她為什麼這麼生氣？
She's been down here for two seasons.
她住在這下面整整兩季了。
You know what? Let's just play Frasier.
我看我們直接播《歡樂一家親》好了。
- 「緊急狀況」- Live One
We've got a live one, people!
緊急狀況，各位！ - 「草率完成、拼湊而成」- Slap Together
So whenever somebody clicks on one of these fake bullshit titles like Britain's Smallest Pies, or Battery Hoarders, or Santa Clarita Diet, we have to slap something together real quick.
所以只要有人點開這些假的爛標題，像是《全英國最小的派》、《電池收藏家》或是《小鎮滋味》，我們就得快速隨便拼湊出一些東西。 - 「靜下來」- Quiet Down
All right, everybody quiet down. Everybody quiet down!
好，大家靜下來。大家安靜！ - 「各式各樣」- Come In All Shapes And Sizes
Pies come in all shapes and sizes.
派有各式各樣的形狀與大小。 - 「好險」- That Was Close
Oh, thank God. That was close.
喔，謝天謝地。好險。
