This is a pig. You handed me a pig.
這是一隻豬。你給了我一隻豬。
Xtreme Try-Not-to-Smile Challenge
終極不准笑挑戰
A producer here wants to try to make me smile. Good f**king luck.
這裡有一位製作人想要讓我笑出來。祝你好運。
Oh God. This is like that game I played as a kid, like, "I love you, honey, but I just can't smile."
噢，天啊。這就像我小時候玩的一個遊戲，「我愛你，寶貝，但我不可以笑出來。」
I smiled once. And I hated it.
我有一次笑了。我討厭那樣。
I'm already smiling, so I don't think I'm gonna be too good at this.
我已經在笑了，所以我不覺得我會對這個挑戰多在行。
Challenge #1
挑戰一
From here on out, I'm about to press play, and I'm not gonna smile. And I am not going to smile.
從現在開始，我要按下播放鍵，而且我不會笑。我絕對不會笑。
This is adorable.
這很可愛。
I actually feel, like, dirty that I wasn't able to express those emotions. Like if they have blue balls for your heart, I've got blue balls of the heart.
我其實感到很不舒服，因為我不能將那些情緒表達出來。就像是如果心也會蛋疼，我現在就感到蛋蛋的哀傷。
Very cute. Didn't smile. Nailed it.
很可愛。但沒「笑」。我成功了。
Challenge #2
挑戰二
This better not be a clown. Why did you bring children?
最好不要是小丑喔。你幹嘛帶小孩來？
Hey, man. How's it going?
嗨，兄弟。一切都還好嗎？
What's your name?
你叫什麼名字？
Blake.
Blake。
Blake. And what's your name?
Blake。那你叫什麼名字？
Blake.
Blake。
Also Blake?
也叫 Blake？
Scissor.
剪刀。
Oh, man, you got me. Remember, I'm not angry. I'm just trying not to smile. How many software engineers does it take to install a light bulb?
天啊，你贏我了。記住，我沒有生氣。我只是試著不要笑出來。安裝一顆燈泡需要多少軟體工程師？
One?
一個？
No, zero because it's hardware. You don't get that one? Nope?
不對，是零個，因為它是硬體設備。你不懂笑點？沒有懂嗎？
Which house is another house?
哪一間房子是另一間房子？
I don't know. Which house is another house?
我不知道。哪一間房子是另一間房子？
My houses.
我的房子。
I don't know what's happening. Has this happened with every person?
我不知道發生了什麼事。大家都這樣嗎？
How's your day? He just left me.
你今天如何？他就這樣離開我了。
Thank you for the hug. That was very nice of you.
謝謝你的抱抱。你人真好。
Of course a kid's gonna make me smile. I didn't understand his jokes, but I still wanted to laugh at his jokes.
小朋友當然會讓我笑出來啊。我聽不懂他的笑話，但我還是想笑這個笑話。
Eric, I'm expecting more from you, man.
Eric，你只有這點本事嗎，兄弟。
Challenge #3
挑戰三
Clark, I need you to close your eyes and put your hands out.
Clark，我需要你閉上眼睛，然後把手伸出來。
I will never smile. I have never smiled.
我絕對不會笑。我從來沒笑過。
Put your hands up a little bit.
把你的手抬高一點。
What is that? What is that sound?
那是什麼？那是什麼聲音？
What is this? Its little snout is tiny.
這是什麼東東？牠小小的鼻子好小喔。
Can someone hold his face so I can look at his face? ...so I can look at his face? Oh, but he's pooping.
有沒有人可以把他的臉抬起來？... 好讓我可以看他的臉？噢，但他在便便。
Where can I scratch? Do you like a butt scratch? Like a butt scratch? Yeah.
我可以搔哪裡？你喜歡屁屁搔癢嗎？屁屁搔癢？好。
Goddamn it. Get Eric. Try to make me... You try... You f**ker, it's f**king pooping on me. Course I'm gonna smile. This adorable little baby just shat all over my arm.
去你的。叫 Eric 來。試著要讓我... 你試著要... 你個*蛋，牠大便在我身上。我當然會笑啦。這隻可愛的寶寶剛剛挫賽在我手上耶。
When I'd scratched her butt, her leg did this thing.
當我搔她屁屁的癢的時候，她的腳會這樣。
Cute little puppies, and then adorable little kids with hugs, even a little teacup pig can't get me, but once something sh*ts in front of me...
可愛的小狗狗，然後是可愛的小朋友送抱抱，就連一隻可愛的迷你豬都沒能讓我笑出來，不過，一旦有東西在我面前挫賽...
Just laugh. Life is too short. Come here. Come here, lady.
就笑吧。人生太短了。過來這裡吧。過來這裡，小姐。
Has he pooped on everyone? Just me? Eric, you got me to smile. You did it. You mad genius.
他有在所有人身上大便嗎？只有我？Eric，你讓我笑了。你成功了。你這個天才。
Nope, nope. That's not food. Nope, that's not food. There we go. There we go.
不行，不行。那不是食物。不對，那不是食物。這就對了。這就對了。
