All right, now, this is something I know many people been looking forward to all year—the results of our annual, beloved tradition, the Halloween Candy YouTube Challenge. This is the ninth time we've done it. Many...I'm told that many of the disappointed kids—from the first time we did in 2011—have now blossomed to become fully-grown disappointed adults. And that's... And I want to say something to those out there who think I do this because I enjoying being mean to kids. That is not—I love kids.
好，我知道這是很多人整年都在期待的－－我們每年最愛的傳統：萬聖節糖果 YouTube 挑戰。今年是這個活動的第九年了。很多...有人跟我說很多失望的小孩（從 2011 年開始）現在長大變成超級失望的大人。那真是...有件事情我得說一下，有些人覺得我辦這活動只是因為我討厭小朋友。不是那樣－－我很愛小孩。
Not only do I love kids, I have written and illustrated a children's book called The Serious Goose. Now, this is not a joke. It comes out December 3. It's available for preorder now. And all the money I make from it goes to children's hospitals here in LA and around the United States. So, please. So, buy this. It looks like this, The Serious Goose. And remember that, for the next five minutes, as we endure the tears of disappointed children in this year's edition of Hey Jimmy Kimmel—I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy.
我不只很愛小孩子，我還寫了一本童書，親自畫插圖，名叫《嚴肅的鵝》。這不是在開玩笑喔。12 月 3 號就能買到了。現在已經開放預購。所有這本書的獲利會捐給洛杉磯和全美國的兒童醫院。所以，拜託。一定要買這本。書本長得像這樣，《嚴肅的鵝》。你們等一下還是要記得這件事情喔，因為接下來五分鐘我們要接收小朋友們失望的眼淚了，隆重鉅獻今年的：嘿 Jimmy Kimmel－－我跟小孩說我把他們的萬聖節糖果全吃光了。
We ate all of your Halloween candy. I'm sorry. Is it okay?
我們把你們的萬聖節糖果全吃掉了。對不起。我吃掉沒關係吧？
No! Not at all!
有!有關係!
And guess what?
你們猜怎麼樣？
Guess what?
猜猜看怎麼樣？
We're just joking.
我們騙你們的啦。
That's the worst Halloween I ever had because of you dumb, stupid mans!
這是有史以來最糟糕的萬聖節了，都是因為你們這些笨蛋大人!
Mama was just too hungry.
媽媽只是太餓了。
I ate all your candy.
我把妳的糖果全部吃掉了。
I'm gonna call the police.
我要打電話給警察杯杯。
Why? We hate you! We don't want to live with you anymore!
為什麼？我們恨妳!我們再也不要跟妳一起住了!
Oh! Oh...my God!
喔!喔...我的天哪!
Why you ate it again?
妳為什麼又把我的糖果吃掉了？
I ate it all.
我全部吃光了。
Why?
為什麼？
I ate it all because I was hungry.
因為我很餓，所以我全部吃掉了。
Woah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
哇，啊啊啊啊啊!
I'm joking. I'm joking.
我開玩笑的。騙你的啦。
What did you do with my candy right there?
妳把我放在這裡的糖果拿去哪裡了？
I don't even know what you're saying.
我根本聽不懂你在說什麼。
Mommy and Daddy ate all of your Halloween candy. Is that okay?
媽咪跟爹地把你們的糖果全部吃光了。可以嗎？
We ate all of your candy. Will you forgive me?
我們把糖果全部吃掉了。妳可以原諒我嗎？
Yes, but don't do it again. It will make you very sick. You will have to poop all that out!
可以，但是不要再這樣了。妳這樣會生很嚴重的病。妳要把它們全部便便出來才可以!
I'm telling on you, really.
我要跟別人告狀，我說真的。
It's not fair!
不公平!
Julianna!
Julianna!
That's so rude of you. Tomorrow I'm going to eat your stuff! For real. And I'm not getting you no goodies. Just boppy. That's so rude of you.
妳這樣很沒禮貌。我明天要吃掉妳的東西!我沒在開玩笑。妳什麼好吃的東西都吃不到。妳只能吃便便。妳沒禮貌。
But I was so hungry.
但我昨天實在太餓了。
Well, you got...well, you got eat some vegetables, not candy!
那妳應該...妳應該去吃蔬菜，不是糖果!
Darn it!
可惡!
Go! Now! Go! Eat some vegetables! See? You make her upset! Say sorry!
去!現在去!去!去吃蔬菜!看到了嗎？妳讓她生氣了!說對不起!
Last night, I got hungry, and I ate all of your Halloween candy.
昨晚我肚子餓了，就把妳的萬聖節糖果全部吃掉了。
Oh!
喔!
You're happy that your candy is not gone?
你很開心糖果沒被吃掉嗎？
A little bit. But I love you more than candy.
一點點。但比起糖果我更愛妳。
Aw.
噢。
Can I have my bucket?
我可以拿我的糖果桶嗎？
You just want the empty bucket?
妳只想要空空的糖果桶嗎？
Oh.
噢。
You don't eat people's candy!
妳不可以吃別人的糖果!
Okay. I'm really, really sorry.
好。我真的真的很對不起。
You just make me mad. You made me really mad, Mommy.
妳讓我生氣了。妳讓我很生氣，媽咪。
I said I'm sorry.
我說了我很對不起。
It's okay.
沒關係。
Okay, well, thank you. I love you.
好，謝謝。我愛你。
I love you, too.
我也愛你。
Mackenzie, Jimmy Kimmel told me to do it.
Mackenzie，Jimmy Kimmel 叫我吃掉的。
No, thank you.
我不要。
Jimmy Kimmel told me to trick you.
Jimmy Kimmel 叫我騙妳的。
Who's that?
他是誰啊？
It's Jimmy Pickle.
討厭鬼 Jimmy。
Don't get mad at Mom. It's just Jimmy Pickle. That's his fault.
不要對媽媽生氣。都是討厭鬼 Jimmy。是他的錯。
If I ever seen Jim...um, Jimmy Kimmel, I would punch him in the face.
如果我以後遇到 Jim...，嗯，Jimmy Kimmel，我會揍他的臉。
Why?
為什麼？
He deserves it.
他活該。
What if I do it again tonight?
如果我今晚又吃掉一次呢？
I'm going to punch him in the wiener.
那我會揍他的雞雞。
You ruined my candy.
你毀了我的糖果。
You have a mouth full of candy right now, and you're crying about more candy.
你現在整個嘴巴都是糖果，還跟我哭著要更多糖果。
I'm gonna keep that—
我本來要把糖果留到－－
Stop, wait. Chew what's in your mouth. They don't understand you. And now what?
停，等一下。先把你嘴巴的糖果吃完。沒人聽得懂你在說什麼。好，那你要說什麼？
I ate all of it. It's all gone.
我全部吃光了。都沒了。
It's all gone. He ate it all.
都沒了。他全部吃掉了。
How's that make you feel?
你現在心情覺得怎麼樣？
F**k it!
* 你的!
He said "chocolate," "chocolate," okay? All right. Well, sorry, kids. And thanks to all the parents who participated, especially those who recorded their videos horizontally. We really appreciate it here on television.
他是說「巧克力」，「巧克力」，好不好？好啦。對不起啦，小朋友們。感謝所有參與的家長，特別是那些用水平模式拍攝的爸媽。節目在此向你們表示感激。
