I would like to address something that I've been having to deal with for quite some time. This is an issue that I face on an almost daily basis. And this week I've had to deal with it even more because we're in New York. People frequently confuse me with someone else...with another person...a person who isn't me. So, as a public service to me and to the other person, I got in touch with him. And we made a video together that, hopefully, will clear this little headache up once and for all.
我想要來談一件困擾我許久的事情。我幾乎每天都會遇到這個問題。而且，因為我們這週在紐約，發生的頻率又更高了。人們時常把我跟別人搞混...把我跟另一個...不是我的人搞混。所以為了大眾著想，也為了我和另一個人著想，我便聯繫了他。我們一起做了一支影片，希望可以一勞永逸地解決這個小麻煩。
Hi. I'm Jimmy Kimmel.
嗨。我是 Jimmy Kimmel。
And I'm Jimmy Fallon. But some people think I'm Jimmy Kimmel.
而我是 Jimmy Fallon。但有些人以為我是 Jimmy Kimmel。
And some people think I'm Jimmy Fallon. And it's causing a lot of problems for us at the airport, so we decided to make a quick video to explain who is who, and what's what.
而有些人以為我是 Jimmy Fallon。這讓我們在機場遇到了很多麻煩，所以我們決定拍個簡短的影片來解釋誰是誰。
Know Your Jimmys
分辨 Jimmy 們
And we understand why people get us confused. The names. We both wear suits. Both have shows.
我們明白大家為什麼會把我們搞混。我們都叫 Jimmy。我們都穿西裝。都有自己的秀。
Both have dark hair. Both white guys, which is not as exciting as it used to be.
都是深色頭髮。都是白人，但這已經不如以前那般讓人興奮了。
Definitely not.
說的沒錯。
But the truth is, we're very different Jimmys in a lot of ways. For instance, I was born in Brooklyn, New York.
但事實是，從很多方面都看得出我們是不同的 Jimmy。舉例來說，我是在紐約的布魯克林出生的。
Oh! I was born in Brooklyn, too.
喔!我也是在布魯克林出生的耶。
Okay. So, not a great example by me. But we're different. Like, what did Jimmy Fallon have for breakfast today?
好吧。那我這個例子舉得不好。但我們不一樣。好比說，Jimmy Fallon 你今天吃了什麼早餐呢？
I had oatmeal with baby carrots on top.
我吃了燕麥片，上面還有一些小胡蘿蔔。
It's what I had. But that's a pretty common breakfast.
我早餐就是吃這個耶。但這是一個蠻普遍的早餐啦。
Totally.
說的沒錯。
Uh...Okay. Count to three. Name your five favorite breakfast cereals. Ready?
呃...好。數到三。說出五種你最愛的早餐穀片。準備好了嗎？
Sure.
當然。
Go!
開始!
Froot Loops, Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes, Count Chocula, Trix.
香果圈、幸運符彩虹棉花糖、香甜玉米片、Count Chocula 穀片、Trix 穀片。
What the f—
現在是怎－－
Well, they're very popular breakfast cereals, so that doesn't really...
嗯，這些都是很受歡迎的早餐穀片，所以這不太...
It's like...uh...like pizza's everyone's favorite for lunch.
這就像，呃，就像大家都愛吃披薩當午餐一樣。
Well, it certainly is mine.
嗯，披薩的確是我的最愛。
Mine too. I love pizza.
我也是。我愛披薩。
In fact, I'm wearing pizza underpants right now. Look at this. Look. Here.
其實啊，我現在還穿著披薩的內褲喔。你看這個。你看。這裡。
No way.
不會吧。
Nipples.
ㄋㄟ ㄋㄟ。
Did you say nipples?
你剛是說 ㄋㄟ ㄋㄟ 嗎？
Um-hmm.
嗯哼。
Why would you say that?
你怎麼會講那個？
Oh. I say it all the time.
噢。我常講啊。
Me too.
我也是耶。
Nipples.
ㄋㄟ ㄋㄟ。
Have you had a DNA test? Because I just did a 23andMe.
你有做過基因檢測嗎？因為我剛做了 23andMe 的基因檢測。
Yeah. I have, actually.
有耶。其實我有。
Turns out I'm 100 percent "that bi*ch."
測出來我是百分百的「小賤*」。
Wow! Uh...
哇!嗯...
High-five on that!
擊掌!
Oops.
哎呀。
Sorry. I'm bad at high-fiving.
抱歉。我不太會擊掌。
I'm bad at high-fiving too. I mean...Yesterday, I had tried to high-five somebody, and I poked the lady in the eye.
我也很不會擊掌耶。我是說...昨天我試著跟別人擊掌，結果戳到那位女士的眼睛了。
Wait a minute. Was she about this tall? Russian lady?
等等。她是不是大概這麼高？是一位俄國女士嗎？
Yes.
是的。
I poked her other eye.
她另一隻眼睛是被我戳的。
Oh my Lord.
我的天啊。
Oh! Hold on. I know how we're different. Do you believe the earth is flat?
噢!等等噢。我知道我們哪裡不同了。你相信地球是平的嗎？
I know it's flat. I walk on it.
我知道地球是平的啊。我都在上面走了。
Holy shift-stick-on-a-1982-Pontiac Grand Am!
去你的 1982 年龐帝克格蘭美的排檔桿啊!
That was your first car, too?
你的第一部車也是龐帝克的格蘭美嗎？
When I was a baby, I absorbed my twin brother in the womb.
我還是小北鼻的時候，我就在子宮裡吞噬了我的雙胞胎弟弟。
So did I. His name is Larry.
我也是。我兄弟的名字是小賴。
Mine was Laurence, so...
我兄弟叫賴綸啦，所以...
Oh my God!
我的天啊!
Who are you?
你到底是誰啊？
I don't know...
我也不知道...
Do you have any tattoos?
你有刺青嗎？
One.
有一個。
We both have a tattoo of Tattoo?
我們都有 Tattoo 這個角色的刺青啊？
Nipples.
ㄋㄟ ㄋㄟ。
You know, I'm think I'm starting to understand why this is so hard for everybody. We're like the same person. I mean...unless you like...
欸你知道嗎，我想我開始了解大家為什麼覺得我們很難分辨了。我們就像同一個人啊。我是說...除非你喜歡...
Matt Damon?
Matt Damon?
Oh, no. He is the biggest loser...in the world!
喔，不。他是超級魯蛇...世界最魯!
Can I see you in the bathroom for a second? I wanna show you something.
你可以跟我去一下廁所嗎？我想讓你看個東西。
You have a small penis too?
你雞雞也很小嗎？
Yeah.
對啊。
Ha-ha.
哈哈哈。
A message from The Church of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints
一封來自耶穌基督後期聖徒教會的訊息
I still can't tell us apart. Well, thanks to Jimmy Fallon or me or whichever one of us that was.
我還是無法分辨我們倆耶。好啦，感謝 Jimmy Fallon，還是是要感謝我啊，反正感謝剛剛看到的那位。
I am Jimmy Kimmel, and I am not allowed to eat this cookie until you click the subscribe button, so please click now. I'm hungry.
我是 Jimmy Kimmel。在你訂閱我的頻道前，我都不能吃這塊餅乾，所以拜託你快訂閱吧。我餓了。
