You know what I read the other day? Eminem is f**king 41.
妳知道我前幾天看到一篇文章寫什麼嗎?阿姆已經他*的 41 歲了。
What?
什麼?
Yep.
就是這樣。
No, he's not.
不,他還沒 41 歲吧。
Yeah.
真的。
No, he's not.
不是,不可能。
Dude. No. It's true. And his daughter Hailie—18.
老兄。不。是真的。而且他女兒 Hailie--18 歲。
I feel so old.
我覺得自己超老。
Lately, it's like, I turn on the TV, and all the athletes and pop stars are younger than me.
最近我打開電視,發現所有的運動員跟流行明星年紀都比我小。
Yeah.
真的。
Blake Griffin is 25. I'm 26!
Blake Griffin 才 25 歲。我已經 26 歲了!
I'm 26.
我也 26 歲了。
We're so old!
我們好老!
...so old!
...超老的!
I would say going to the bathroom is my greatest struggle.
我覺得去廁所可以說是最困難的事情了。
We are closer in age to Homer Simpson than we are Bart Simpson.
我們比霸子.辛普森老超多,甚至還比較接近他爸荷馬.辛普森的年紀。
I read on BuzzFeed that if Bart Simpson were a human, he'd be 37 years old.
我前幾天在 BuzzFeed 看到一篇文章說,如果霸子.辛普森是人類的話,他現在已經要 37 歲了。
We are so old.
我們好老。
So old.
超老。
I thought about my dead husband today and realized I could no longer clearly picture his face.
我今天想到我死去的丈夫,發現我已經沒辦法清楚記起他的臉了。
Do you guys realize we've been out of college almost as long as we were in college?
你們有發現我們從大學畢業後已經過了整整四年了嗎?都可以讀兩次大學了!
I want to get a dog to be less lonely, but I think I'd die first, and then he'd be lonely.
我本來因為很寂寞所以想養隻狗,但後來想想,我覺得我會比他先死,這樣就會留他孤伶伶一個人。
Obrey is gonna be a mom. She's our age, and she's gonna be a mom!
Obrey 要當媽媽了耶。她跟我們一樣大,但她要當媽媽了耶!
Papa, you ready for church?
爸爸,準備好去教堂了嗎?
I'm not your father.
我不是妳爸。
Sorry. I have dementia.
抱歉。我有老年癡呆。
Ever since I started working full-time two weeks ago, I automatically wake up earlier on the weekends. It's like...my body knows. It knows!
我兩個禮拜前開始上全職班之後,我假日就會自動早起耶。真的是...我的身體知道我老了。它真的知道!
I can't sleep at night because all my bones hurt and my regrets.
我晚上睡不著,因為我所有的骨頭都超痛,我這一生所有遺憾也都讓我超痛苦的。
Yesterday while I was f**king my girlfriend, she found a gray chest hair.
昨天我在跟我女友做*的時候,她發現我胸前有一根白胸毛耶。
Well, that goes the last of the molars.
嗯哼,最後一顆臼齒掉下來了。
When I smile now, I have, like, lines. Like...
我現在笑的時候皺紋都會出現欸。像這樣...
Ugh.
啊額。
This is normal now.
手抖已經變成常態了。
Nintendo 64 came out 18 years ago.
任天堂 64 是十八年前發行的。
You're f**king lying.
屁啦,妳騙鬼喔。
I used to have 33 cousins. Now I have no cousins.
我以前有 33 個堂表親。現在一個也沒有了。
The Chuck E. Cheese mouse is different now!
出奇老鼠現在長得不一樣了!
Different how?
哪裡不一樣?
It's skinny!
牠變瘦了!
Kids born in 2000 are teenagers now.
2000 年出生的小孩現在已經是青少年了。
No, no. I won't... I don't...I don't believe it.
不、不。我不...我不...我不相信。
Teenagers!
青少年!
No!
不!
I'm gonna be sick!
我要吐了!
Well, at least we're not f**king idiots.
嗯,至少我們不是他*的智障。
We're so old!
我們好老!